i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
