so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
