She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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