I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
