are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
