I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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