The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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