as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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