saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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