dude i'm inner monologue high
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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