did you get engaged???
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
