New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
