i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
