I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize