dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
