Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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