Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
