The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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