This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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