and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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