if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize