he shaved USA in his pubs
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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