OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize