I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
We have so much sex to catch up on
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
