I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Randomize
