he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
