walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
