i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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