great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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