I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
