Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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