So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I use my feet as sexual weapons
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
