yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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