i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
