..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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