If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
