When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize