Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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