They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
