The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
