i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
