Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
