Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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