i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I could have mohawked her pubes.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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