He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize