I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
