just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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