I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
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