I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
