she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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