Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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