he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
