At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I said "one day" and that day is not today
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
