I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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