Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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