"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
