Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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