sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
