so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
