He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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