she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
