thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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