i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
