Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
