I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
