TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
