She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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