at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
