Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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