She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
