Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
