I heard we made out
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
