So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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