ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
