If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
