Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
